I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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