I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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