worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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