you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
