He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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