Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
