Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I will pee on everything he values.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
