Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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