I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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