Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
