I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
