I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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