how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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