They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
