Do you still have your period?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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