I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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