this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
