I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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