Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
