it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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