alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Alive.
So much puke
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
