If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
