I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
