We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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