I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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