if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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