Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
