saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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