And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
