Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
