When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
