She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
