I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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