so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
