i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
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