I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
