So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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