the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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