please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
