She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize