Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
