there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
