too bad you live with your parents still
ugly people sure do ruin things
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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