What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
