She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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