You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
