Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I miss vodka workout Fridays
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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