i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
