I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
