My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
